Connection

Part of being a leader is knowing how you tick as a leader. We have all filled out the leadership surveys to determine what type of leader we are, however, no matter how well-connected you are with yourself, you can’t assume others will naturally align with your perspective. In fact, it’s often safer to assume they won’t.

Take the example of a whale in the North Pacific Ocean that has puzzled scientists for nearly 30 years. Often called the “loneliest whale in the world,” it communicates differently from other whales. Most whales use low-frequency sounds between 15 and 30 Hertz, which can travel vast distances underwater. But this whale produces sounds at 52 Hertz—a frequency unlike any other whale. Because of this, it likely spends its life unheard, its unique calls misunderstood. Some scientists think other whales might hear it, but the unusual pitch might make it sound like a high-pitched helium voice, unfamiliar and unrelatable.

This isn’t just about whale calls—it’s a metaphor for human connection. Many people value active listening and even try to practice it. But too often, they’re listening on their own “frequency,” failing to truly tune in to others. If you haven't developed the relationship with your people, are you able to truly to listen to their needs?

Gary Chapman wrote a book titled "The 5 Love Languages." In this book he outlines how just because if we feel loved and valued by a certain type of love language, that doesn't mean the other party does. He also has a book titled "The 5 Langues of Appreciation in the Workplace," in which he outlines how the 5 Love Languages fit within the workplace. If we aren't speaking to our peoples individual love languages, that appreciation may be falling on deaf ears.

Personally, I'm a physical touch love language. Of course that doesn't reciprocate into my work environment, but words of affirmation are not that powerful for me. On the flip side, my wife's love language is words of affirmation. It took many years to understand that I needed to meet HER needs with her love language instead of with my love language. This fits into the school building as well. Just because we feel we may be showing appreciation to our staff, it doesn't mean it has the impact we are anticipating. We have to truly know our staff to know what it takes to reach them.

• The easiest way to find out how they feel appreciated is to ASK them.

As a school leader, how do your constituents communicate? All school districts are different, but all school districts are the same. The mode of communication may differ from district to district, but the NEED for communication from district to district does NOT differ. We as school leaders need to do a better job on communicating with all of our stakeholders.

To create genuine connection, you need to recognize and adapt to the wavelength others are on. Ignoring this leads to disconnection, no matter how good your intentions are. The meaningful work you and your team aim to accomplish depends on effective communication. And that starts with learning to listen and communicate in a way that aligns with the frequency others are using.